For all those who don't know me, here is a story. And for those who know me and don’t know about this, well, here is an incident from my life that was just too hard to share in person. So, read on...
It all started with another road trip…
All happy and gay, laughing and partying. We partied too
hard some might say. But it was normal. The happiness was normal. The usual
feeling of joy after hanging out with friends, partying with them, and having a
sense of freedom consumed us.
Celebrating a surprise birthday party for two of our closest
friends on January 18, 2013 was as exciting as anything. Some of us felt that
2013 started on a bad note. I myself felt that the year was ruined because of
that one night.
It was the usual hullaballoo that day. A road trip, dancing,
eating, singing, laughing and having fun conclusive with a long drive in the
shadows of the night that hung over all of us. That night was the biggest
mistake the seven of us made.
Drifting with the flow, we zoomed our way to ecstasy. What
was to follow, we had never even imagined in our wildest dreams. Or maybe we
did. Maybe we saw the signs and ignored. We all had a sixth sense, an intuition.
We took no notice of it because we wanted to have fun no matter what.
Turning our backs to hints, which will seem petty now, -
from playing a car crash game with toy cars to making more than 10 U turns that
night, besides the powerful instincts we all had - we sped the car into the
foreboding night.
It was around 12:50 am that it happened. The memory doesn’t
seem to go away. It haunts me every single time I am on the road.
The worst part is that I can’t discuss it with anyone. It is
between the seven of us. We don’t want anyone to carry our burden. Or perhaps
we are scared that nobody will understand. Worst of all, nobody will trust us
ever again.
It had been some time that we were driving and listening to
loud music and joking around. Some of us were starting to feel sleepy and
wanted to return. But some part of us wanted to go on. The other part shouted
at us, wanting us to head home. But we snubbed that other part which wanted to
save us. There was a feeling of such malevolence that I feared for our lives.
It was a place unknown to most of us. The roads and routes
were new. Yet we sped the car, blasted the music at full volume and suddenly
darkness silhouetted in front of us. All I remember is that one moment we were
singing a Bollywood song ‘tu mera hero’ on top of our voices and the other
moment I could hear shrieks so painful, so frightening that whenever I think of
them, it sends a chill down my spine.
A blind turn and a divider, around 2 ft high, suddenly
appeared, and it brought an end to the fun. The speed of the car didn’t let it
stop at the divider; it made the car fly and land with force. A lamppost, the
best thing that happened to us that night, managed to halt the car. The car had
crashed into the lamppost not headfirst but sideways. It was a miracle.
As soon as I realised I was alive, I was certain that one of
us must not be. But blessed as we were, every one of us was breathing.
The screaming turned into one of us commanding everyone to
get out of the car. The car hissed as smoke came out its front. The noise of
leaking petrol could be heard. One by one we all capered out of the car.
We then checked each other and saw that one of our friends
was bleeding profusely. There was blood all over her face. It scared the hell
out of us. Another one was holding her leg and lying on the road. I was holding
my hurt hand and running to others to check them. Miraculously everyone was
alive and all our body parts were intact.
There were minor injuries physically. Mentally, we were and
still are shaken.
Jivan Jyoti, an ashram we had crashed in front of, was a
saviour for our poor souls. They took us in, medicated us and gave us all the
help we needed. Looking at the car’s condition, we were all thinking how on
earth we were still alive and not lying in the hospital.
There was some power that day that saved us. There was
someone who wanted to save us from the start but we ignored it, but it saved us
anyway.
A marvel or just in the mind’s eye, it was an experience
that will be etched in our minds forever.
It changed me, it has scared me, and it has startled me. I
cannot share it with anyone without breaking down. I jumped at every noise I
heard initially. I fear darkness even more now. And it will be a long time
before I can go for road trips and long drives again.
We know that a miracle saved us, even the one driving thinks
so. He saved our lives but he will be forever guilty like each one of us. One
mistake and I shiver to think what could have happened.
Trembling from head to toe, hugging each other and crying
our eyes out, I am terrorised at recalling all of it.
Everything feels emotional and I feel raw and exposed.
Anything can happen to anyone of us at any moment. What is the point in doing
all the things we do? I have been given a second life but for what, to do what,
I have no idea. Because I fear that this second chance will be taken away from
me any moment.
